Something finally crossed over in my mind yesterday and I actually used my elbows to push away from the dinner table. I think I got a taste of what it used to be like being thin and pretty on Saturday and I really want that again. I'm sick of my big belly and have already begun to shrink it.
I have struggled with weight loss issues for the better part of my life - since I was 28. I was a chubby girl but thinned out in junior high and high school and was quite thin up until my 28th year - 1992. Not a good year for me. I went through a divorce then and lost 45 pounds like nothing. I slowly started putting it back on over the years and here I am today. Now I'm starting all over again. (Again).
How many times can I start over again and not finish? It's ridiculous. Being over weight is no longer acceptable and I do care about what I look like and feel like. I think that's the heart of the problem. I recently told my mom that what I'm thinking when I reach for something I shouldn't have is: "I don't care, I just want it!" She said, "well, you just have to care then." I do care. I want to do this so badly. I need help, I'm asking for it. I need prayers and support. I know that I'm already getting all of that from all of you and I'm grateful. Now I need to take the steps forward with no looking back...I don't want to fail this time.
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